Feeling Sorry for Myself

The Writer has gone away.

He will be traveling three out of the next four weeks. It’s hard enough to see him when he’s in town, so when he travels, it is even worse. We do our best to stay in touch with phone calls, e-mails, and texts, but when he’s in a different time zone, it can be hard to manage.

Normally on a weekend with Smiley, the Writer is with his daughter, so we don’t get to see each other anyway (it’s complicated), but he is usually able to spend Sunday evening with us. I get to have some adult interaction and Smiley gets to have someone else to play with, even for just an hour or two before bed. Win-win.

I tend to get anxious on the weekends when I have Smiley. It’s always a fun time, but it’s very hard work. One-on-one with a kid for two days straight is exhausting. (And here’s where that voice comes in to tell me other people have it harder, with more than one kid and without breaks, ever!, but I’ll get into that another time.) You have to be “on” constantly. I want to maximize my time and interaction with Smiley, so I rarely manage to get any cleaning done. I am too busy staring at him and cuddling him and tickling him and reading to him. (See what I mean about being constantly on?)

The anxiety is usually reduced when I have plans for us, but this weekend he has a cold, so our playdate for tonight has been canceled, and tomorrow’s is up in the air.

And here’s where I start feeling sorry for myself:

* My baby is sick and not feeling well (and therefore a bit fussy).
* My boyfriend is thousands of miles away.
* I’m alone and lonely.
* Waaaah waaaah waaaah.

I’ve managed to sucker a friend into coming over for a drink tonight after the kid’s in bed, but I find myself continually looking at the clock. I hate it. I don’t want my time with Smiley to end, but I’m tired and lonely.

I’m not really sure how to get out of this rut. I don’t want to feel so crappy, but I can’t figure out how to lift my spirits.

Any suggestions?

5 responses to “Feeling Sorry for Myself

  1. Girl, do I get this.

    My boyfriend LIVES 200 miles away so, yeah, I get the lonely feeling. Honestly, it IS easier with two children than one because they entertain each other. :) I miss them when they’re not here, if only for the extra noise in the house.

    Hmmm, a rut, huh? (Can you help me out of mine today? No kids, no bf, but feeling achy…)

    Maybe try a work out video or some dancing to get your blood moving. That always manages to lift my spirits! (Which is another reason I’m grouchy. Being achy means laying around. :( )

    • 200 mikes? That sucks! How often do you get to see each other. The Writer is currently 9,000 miles away, but who’s counting?

      I did get out for a walk with the little one. That helped. And I can totally relate to you, too: it’s crazy when Smiley is here, but it’s too quiet when he’s gone.

      Hope the achiness goes away soon.

      • Miles. 200 mikes would be a different kind of problem. ;)

      • Heh, 200 mikes. :)

        We try to see each other a few times a month but this month is different. We have something fun planned later this month so we’re holding off for 5 weeks. Ugh. I’m okay for now but you’ll notice my blog posts begin to get whiny in another week or so.

        So happy that others are finding your blog! I added you to my blog roll too!

  2. I can relate to what you’re saying. Like T, my man is a three hour drive away. We see each other every other weekend, a little more often once in a while, but not that often.

    So I can relate to what you’re saying about how tiring it is to have to be constantly “on” when you’re with your kid on the weekend. It can be very exhausting not having another adult around to just take the pressure off.

    So while I don’t have any brilliant suggestions, I just wanted to let you know that I could relate to where you’re coming from. *hugs* All I can tell you is that it will get better – not every day will feel like this. :-)

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