The Writer has gone away.
He will be traveling three out of the next four weeks. It’s hard enough to see him when he’s in town, so when he travels, it is even worse. We do our best to stay in touch with phone calls, e-mails, and texts, but when he’s in a different time zone, it can be hard to manage.
Normally on a weekend with Smiley, the Writer is with his daughter, so we don’t get to see each other anyway (it’s complicated), but he is usually able to spend Sunday evening with us. I get to have some adult interaction and Smiley gets to have someone else to play with, even for just an hour or two before bed. Win-win.
I tend to get anxious on the weekends when I have Smiley. It’s always a fun time, but it’s very hard work. One-on-one with a kid for two days straight is exhausting. (And here’s where that voice comes in to tell me other people have it harder, with more than one kid and without breaks, ever!, but I’ll get into that another time.) You have to be “on” constantly. I want to maximize my time and interaction with Smiley, so I rarely manage to get any cleaning done. I am too busy staring at him and cuddling him and tickling him and reading to him. (See what I mean about being constantly on?)
The anxiety is usually reduced when I have plans for us, but this weekend he has a cold, so our playdate for tonight has been canceled, and tomorrow’s is up in the air.
And here’s where I start feeling sorry for myself:
* My baby is sick and not feeling well (and therefore a bit fussy).
* My boyfriend is thousands of miles away.
* I’m alone and lonely.
* Waaaah waaaah waaaah.
I’ve managed to sucker a friend into coming over for a drink tonight after the kid’s in bed, but I find myself continually looking at the clock. I hate it. I don’t want my time with Smiley to end, but I’m tired and lonely.
I’m not really sure how to get out of this rut. I don’t want to feel so crappy, but I can’t figure out how to lift my spirits.