Taking the First Step

The ex just posted on a social networking site that he will be taking Smiley to an indoor waterpark/resort around Thanksgiving, thanks to his mom. I expect it’s a big family trip with Smiley, the ex, the ex’s parents, and ex-brother-in-law and his family.*

That will be a great time. Smiley loves the water and loves to be social, and his father’s family loves him very much. He’ll have a blast.

But now I feel sorry for myself because I cannot do the same thing for my boy.

The important thing is that Smiley have fun with both of his parents, but I do worry about his dad being the “fun” one. I cannot give him the same sort of things his father’s family can.

Although, really, I guess the only thing stopping me is me. My insecurities and my anxiety cripple me. He is 16 months old, and I still worry about what we will do on the weekends. I am an overthinker and a planner. But beyond that, I find that it’s very complicated and hard to do things with Smiley on my own.

As I’ve mentioned, the schedule works out so the Writer is with his daughter when I am with Smiley, so outings with the three of us aren’t an option. (As for outings for the four of us, that’s not an option yet either, and I won’t get into it here. At least not now.) My parents have both passed away, so I can’t call on them to come to the pumpkin patch or the zoo with us. I have some wonderful “grandparent figures” for Smiley in my life, but they live an hour away, so it takes a bit of planning to spend time with them. I have amazing friends who have kids, but it’s not like having an extra set of hands with Smiley–they have their own to wrangle. (Plus they have older kids, and their schedules are crazy.) And I have amazing friends who don’t have kids, but they have busy lives and “adult” things to do. (I love to go wine tasting, but I’m not sure how fun that would be for the boy–or for me, if my friends get really into the wine.)

I know I need to just get out and do things–once I’ve done it, it’s not so daunting. But taking that first step is so scary. What if…? What if I need to go to the bathroom? What if Smiley gets upset? What if he has a tantrum? What if he screams the whole way in the car? What if…?

You know, none of those “what ifs” are all that terrible. It still is daunting to think of doing activities on my own with Smiley, but I just need to push myself into taking that first step.

How do you manage to get out and do things with your little ones on your own?

*At least, that’s who I hope will be there. I’m wondering if his new girlfriend and her three (!) kids will be there, too. But, say it with me, “That’s for another post.”


One response to “Taking the First Step

  1. Yeah, my ex husband was able to maintain his career throughout our entire marriage so his financial status is better than mine. I stayed home with the kids for a few years and then went back to work after we separated. Plus he lives with his brother and doesn’t pay rent… and I own my own home… so… yeah, I hear you.

    I do what I can to get out with my kids. Granted, it’s easier now that they’re older but even then, I made friends with people who had kids the same age. Or we went to the park. Or I did things just me & my girls.

    I spent grown up time with my friends with no kids but rarely. These days, I just wanna chill out alone when I’m not with my kids or my man.

    Just try it and you’ll find your way.

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