I Lost 220 Pounds in 10 Minutes; Ask Me How!

Today I lost 220 pounds of dead weight: My divorce became final.

Hah hah.

Now, now, I guess there’s no sense trashing the ex. He is a good dad. Well, as good a dad as he has the capability to be. He just was not a good husband for me. Perhaps he will be for another woman, but we are not a good fit. We are that couple that gets along better now than we did when we were married.

We worked everything out ahead of time, so the only thing I had to do in court was say that I agree to the terms of what we had already decided. It took all of 10 minutes in front of the judge. The judge who actually said, “Congratulations,” when it was over. I’m not really sure I want to be congratulated on this.

I’m not “celebrating.” It’s not really a happy occasion. I didn’t go into my marriage thinking it would end. I didn’t picture myself here, as an ex-wife with part-time custody. My lawyer even said as much, that when you plan your life and you think about the roles you will play, such as daughter/son, wife/husband, mother/father, you don’t consider how you will act as an “ex-spouse.” No one dreams of becoming an ex-wife.

But that is what I am now, an ex-wife. And I am ok with that. I played the wife role rather well, even given our differences. But I am much happier in this role. As a wife, I was starting to become resentful and bitter, feeling degraded. I catered to my husband’s every need. As an ex-wife, I am empowered and I am strong. I take care of me and I take care of my son, and I will do everything I can to protect him.

And, frankly, that’s why I left my marriage: to protect my son. I didn’t want him to grow up thinking it was OK to be controlled or to control; I didn’t want him to think it was OK to degrade women; I didn’t want him to grow up thinking a woman’s job was to wait on him. I didn’t want him to have a miserable mother (or a miserable father–though he was pretty happy with the way things were, see above: “catered to my husband’s every need”).

But now my son has a happy mother. He is a happy child. I think the ex is happier than he would admit. And if he’s not, well, I’m not willing to go back to being the woman I was in my marriage. I’m much happier being me. My son is happy, and that is what matters.

I am not celebrating my title change, but I am celebrating moving forward, closing a chapter in my life (as much as can, with daily interactions with the ex) and looking ahead.

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14 responses to “I Lost 220 Pounds in 10 Minutes; Ask Me How!

  1. Love the post title! Haha! Awesome post and great attitude. It’s not easy… and in fact, it feels quite strange at first but I’m proud of how you’re handling things. Sounds like it was best for everyone.

  2. haha you are so clever! and even the semi-colon ;) it’s awesome that you can be YOU and be happy all at the same time – that is definitely worth celebrating! for you, your son, AND even your ex-husband!

  3. Love the title too, but also moreso, your attitude and view on this. And congrats on the next stage. It’ll be a beauty :)

  4. So glad I found you: I tell anyone who asks that I’m a full-time mom with part-time custody of two amazing little beings — sounds like we’re soul-ish sisters, you and I …

    I started my blog to celebrate my 2.0 version, to embrace my next iteration, post divorce. It sounds like you’re doing the same, and for that, I whole-heartedly congratulate you. And I wish you continued healing — whatever inspires the decision to divorce, it is a messy, ugly, chaotic process.

    But the outcome can be beautiful. Eventually…

    :)

  5. Hi! I just got divorced 2 weeks ago and I feel the same as you! Congratulations on moving forward and feeling empowered! It’s a great feeling. I too hope I can teach my young children what a healthy relationship can look like between a man and a woman. Funny how catering to their every whim is what we’re taught to do as young girls but it got us nothing but taken for granted. In my next relationship there will be trust, love, respect, caring, laughter and a partnership, and I’m not settling for any less. Love your blog!

  6. Way to go! I agree, there really is not word appropriate to describe the day, besides, “moving forward”. I love your attitude and your outlook on your divorce. You’re gonna be okay chicka!

  7. Congratulations on moving forward with your weight loss ;). I *did* celebrate and it was a happy thing for me because I felt so trapped before and miserable. But I totally understand your take on it as well. Best of luck to you!!

  8. Title caught my attention too as I was just realizing the same thing tonight. For a long time I was grieving all that was lost, not realizing some of it was good to lose: negativity, anger, lies.I’m sorry you have had to go through the breakup and this entire process but it sounds like you have peace and can now officially start
    fresh (220lbs lighter!). Wish you the best and glad I found your site.

  9. My own divorce just recently became official as well. And I can relate to that feeling….not wanting to celebrate being divorced, but being ready to celebrate moving on to the next stage of life. THAT is what you should be congratulated on. :-)

  10. Bravo! Of course no one goes into a marriage thinking it will end, but having the courage to say this is not healthy for me or my child is something to be applauded! I am an almost ex-wife, and I am a better person now than I was in the marriage, the resentment, anger, and pent up rage at how I was being treated is gone. Divorce is hard, but sometimes staying in the marriage is harder. I am stumbling your post. :-)

  11. Congratulations! No one ever wants to be an ex-wife, but I can attest to the fact that I’m looking forward to being one once my divorce becomes final. I don’t think it’s something to “celebrate” necessarily, but I do think declaring your freedom and independence is.

  12. I just did a happy dance for you!

  13. Pingback: What a Weekend! | singleishmom

  14. Pingback: Remnants of My Failed Marriage | singleishmom

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