I Want a Do-Over!

Today had some ups and some downs.

The Writer and I spent most of the day together, side-by-side on the couch, working on our laptops, watching Jersey Shore. It was kind of perfect. Then he left to see his daughter, and we won’t see each other for another week.

I was excited to get my new computer, and hung around the house all day, and in the 30 minutes I was picking Smiley up from daycare, between 5 and 5:30 p.m., UPS came and went.

Ants are making a resurgence in my kitchen. Yuck.

But I got to see Smiley for the first time in a couple of days, and that is wonderful! He’s so much fun and so cute and just makes me smile. But when he walked in the house, he started calling for The Writer, which simultaneously filled me with joy and broke my heart.

In the midst of it all, I tweeted, “Can I please have a do-over?”

That reminded me of my counseling session earlier this week, when my therapist asked me what I would change if I could do it all over?

I first went to, “Well, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant,” but really, Smiley is my world, as I tell him each night before bed, and I would never give him up.

I then said it would have been best if The Writer and I had resolved any issues in our marriages and left our spouses before we became physically involved. I do believe this would have been a better way to handle things, but I have thought about this a lot, and I suspect that had we not become intimate, we never would have ended up where we did. I think if we’d backed off and not seen each other again after we realized our feelings, we would have gone back to our marriages and decided everything was “fine,” and continued on. The physical connection just enhanced our emotional connection, and we could not pass up any chance to be together.

And to put the two together, once I was pregnant, I didn’t want my child to have a miserable mother (and father) and think that relationship was “normal.”

So I guess I’d have to say that there’s nothing I would choose to do over.

Except maybe stick around for the damn UPS guy.

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4 responses to “I Want a Do-Over!

  1. We all make decisions that we question as time passes, lots of what ifs. But you are 100% correct in that our decisions are our journey, would we have taken a different path, our life may have been dramatically different. Naturally I wish I could have escaped all the pain from my divorce, but I’d never be where I’m at now if I wouldn’t have gone through that; and I’m in a pretty good spot. And the kids? Yep, totally worth it and would do it again!

  2. I think we all have do-over days, but ultimately every choice we make leads us to a better path.

  3. I totally agree with what Michelle said, and the way you ended your post, eseentially not truly wanting a do-over…because you’re right, everything that happens is intentional and always leads us where we need to be!

  4. Yup, where we’re at is where we’re supposed to be. I admit that I do have regrets in life, especially with my failed marriage, but I still wouldn’t have things any other way. My daughter means so much to me, and I can’t imagine life without her.

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