I have 50 pounds to lose. That sounds like a very large number. No…wait…it is a very large number.
I’ll try to think of it as 10 five-pound chunks. That’s not so bad, right?
I never thought I would identify myself as someone who struggled with her weight (I was extremely active in high school), but I have to face the facts: I am 50 pounds over the highest suggested weight for my height. I have gained and lost so many pounds that I have stopped counting.
I am 20 pounds over the weight I was when I joined Weight Watchers for the first time, over ten years ago. I was successful and lost 30 pounds and made it to goal and lifetime status, but, well, here I am.
I was overweight when I got pregnant, I gained about 40 pounds, and I’ve lost only 20 of those pounds–and my boy is almost 18 months old. Wait…no…I lost 30, then I gained 10 back.
I know what I need to do. I’ve often said I could write my own weight-loss book, but it would have only two sentences:
1. Eat less.
2. Move more.
I’ve thought about following a diet plan like South Beach or Atkins or [insert diet here], but I know I need to change my lifestyle and not just follow a program. It’s not about going to meetings every week or counting calories. It’s about making better choices. I may have to join something formal, but I’d like to try to do this on my own.
I made a better choice when I chose to leave my marriage, and I need to make better nutritional and physical choices.
There are a number of reasons. In no particular order:
- I want to feel better about myself.
- I want to be able to keep up with Smiley and chase after him and play with him, especially has he gets bigger (and faster).
- I want to feel sexy.
- I want to be able to walk with my coworkers to lunch and not struggle to keep up.
- I want to climb the stairs without getting winded.
- I want my clothes to fit better. (Hell, I want my clothes to fit, period.)
- I want to dig in to the box of clothes in storage and fit into some of the cute stuff I haven’t been able to get rid of. (Maybe it’ll be back in style by then!)
- I want to go shopping and not walk out dejected and feeling crappy about myself.
I don’t have the best family history–heart disease, cancer, diabetes–and the loss of both of my parents has been painful, and I don’t want Smiley to lose his mother. Also, more selfishly, I worry that if something were to happen to me, Smiley would never know me. His father’s family would do everything they could to absorb him, assimilate him into the collective, and he would get the runaround when he asked about me, since I was the bad lady who left the precious angel. I know The Writer, the BFF, and other people would do their best to see Smiley and tell him about me, but I expect they’d be rebuffed. And I want Smiley to have every chance to grow up and be well-rounded and empathetic and independent, and I don’t think he’d have the chance if that happens.
And, apologies to those who know us in real life, but there are times when I’m with The Writer (and I mean *with*) and I feel so amazing. I see how he looks at me, how he touches me, and I feel beautiful and sexy and wonderful. He loves me the way I am, no strings attached, no conditions. And I can feel it.
Then I get out of bed and cross in front of the mirror and…thud. Oh yeah. That’s what I look like.
I want the woman in the mirror to match how I picture myself in my head. I want to look in the mirror and see the woman The Writer sees.
I’ve laid out some guidelines for myself to help fix my eating habits.This is the first part of the battle. I am an emotional eater, and I am full of emotion. I need to plan better meals, even when I’m on my own, and stop snacking.
I’m giving myself an exercise goal, but I’m having a hard time seeing how to fit it in with the little one. I do take him for walks in the neighborhood (and use the monster stroller to give me some weight to push), but I feel like there could be more I can do. I have Wii Fit, but I haven’t been using it recently. After Smiley goes to bed, I just want to relax, not exercise! I did join a gym with babysitting, which will be great for the weekends with Smiley, but it doesn’t open for two more months.
How do you fit in exercise in your daily schedule, with or without kids? What are some tricks you used to get to your goals? What are some of your standbys for tasty, healthy meals?